"HEAR, HERE, NOBLEMEN. LISTEN, YE TOWNSFOLK. GIVE EAR, COMMONERS. THIS IS IT. THIS IS WHAT YOUR HEARTS DESIRE, THIS IS WHAT YOUR SOULS ACHE FOR. THIS IS AS GOOD AS PANCAKES. THIS IS DARE I SUGGEST IT? THE PIBB OF RESTAURANTS. FROM THE MOMENT YOU STEP INSIDE, YOU KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT THIS PLACE. THE ATMOSPHERE IS UNIQUELY ITS OWN, NEITHER PLAGIARIZING ANOTHER'S AND YET APPROPRIATELY NODDING TRIBUTE TO THE BAR-EATERY-GENRE.I'VE BEEN HERE A HALF DOZEN TIMES BY NOW, AND EVERY TIME I GAIN MORE APPRECIATION FOR THIS PLACE. SO MUCH THOUGHT, SO MUCH PASSION, SO MUCH PRIDE HAS OBVIOUSLY BEEN POURED INTO EVERY DETAIL OF THIS PLACE. THE MEN'S BATHROOM IS NUTS. THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM I DID NOT SCOUT OUT. SO, LADIES, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU, BUT IF LIKE MOST PLACES THE LADIES BATHROOM IS TWICE AS NICE AS THE MEN'S, THEN YOU'RE IN FOR THE TAJ MAHAL TREATMENT.SIT DOWN AND PERUSE THE SIMPLE, ELEGANT-IN-ITS-QUAINTNESS, TWO-SIDED MENU AND CHOOSE FROM ANY OPTION AVAILABLE AND IT'LL BE A WINNER. THAT I HAVE LEARNED. EVERYTHING HERE IS AMAZING. NOW, I PERSONALLY RECOMMEND THE HOUSE BURGER, AS IT IS SIMPLY THE BEST. IT IS THE DONUT OF BURGERS. NOTHING IN OMAHA HAS BESTED IT FOR ME. STELLA'S, YOU SAY? NOT EVEN CLOSE, HONESTLY. NOW I GET IT, STELLA'S, YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD BURGER FOR A BUCK. THAT'S COOL. BUT YOU AREN'T EVEN IN THE SAME LEAGUE, NAY THE SAME SPORT, AS FARNAM HOUSE BREWERY'S HOUSE BURGER. YOU'RE PLAYING TEE-BALL, AND FARNAM HOUSE IS PLAYING OLYMPIC JAVELIN THROW.BUT FOR REAL, YOU WILL KNOW AFTER ONE VISIT THAT THOUGHT AND PASSION HAS HONED EVERY SINGLE ITEM ON THE MENU, RIGHT DOWN TO THE KETCHUP AND THE MAYONNAISE BOTH HOUSE-MADE. I NEVER EXPECTED TO BE RAVING ABOUT A RESTAURANT'S KETCHUP IN MY LIFE, BUT BY MOSES THIS KETCHUP IS THE SYRUP OF ODIN, IT IS SO RIDICULOUSLY GOOD. AND THE FRIES THEMSELVES ARE QUARRIED FROM THE STOREHOUSE OF AMBROSIA'S POTATO SUPPLY, CHISELED WITH THE SWORD OF ELROND, AND NO DOUBT FRIED IN THE BUTTERBEER OF HOGSMEADE.COMFORTINGLY, I KNOW THIS PLACE IS RUN BY HUMANS AND NOT ALIENS, BECAUSE ON A COUPLE OCCASIONS NOT ALL HAS BEEN PERFECT. THE OTHERWISE PERFECT FRIES HAVE BEEN OVER-COOKED ON TWO VISITS, BUT OTHER THAN THOSE ANOMALIES, THE FREAKISH LEVEL OF PERFECTION HAS BEEN MAINTAINED. THE ONLY OTHER ISSUE I'VE RUN INTO HAS BEEN THEIR HOUSE-MADE MUSTARD BEING A BIT OVERPOWERING IN THE BURGER. MY RECOMMENDATION FOR THE BEST BURGER OF YOUR LIFE: ORDER THE HOUSE BURGER, MEDIUM-RARE, EASY MUSTARD, AND IF YOU HAVE IMPECCABLE TASTE LIKE ME, EXTRA ONIONS. ONIONS ARE GOD'S CROWNING JEWEL OF THE VEGETABLE KINGDOM.THE BEER IS GREAT TOO, BUT I SAY JUDGE THIS PLACE BY THEIR FOOD, NOT THEIR BEER. YOU CAN GET GREAT BEER FROM A LOT OF PLACES. YOU MAY COUNTER AND SAY YOU CAN GET GREAT FOOD FROM A LOT OF PLACES TOO. TRUE, BUT YOU CAN'T GET THE BEST BURGER EVER ASSEMBLED NORTH OF BIKINI BOTTOM ANYWHERE BUT FARNAM HOUSE BREWERY. LASTLY, LENDING FURTHER EVIDENCE THAT THIS PLACE IS ONLY A COPY OF THE HEAVENLY THING, MERELY A SHADOW OF THE PLATONIC IDEAL, RATHER THAN THE VERY DINING HOUSE OF THE ALMIGHTY THEY DO NOT SERVE PIBB. BUT, REST ASSURED, FRIENDS, THIS PLACE IS SO ABSURDLY GOOD, I WON'T EVEN KNOCK A STAR OFF. HEY, I'LL EVEN ADD A HALF STAR, IT SO DESERVES IT.THIS PLACE DOES NOT SERVE PIBB, SO MINUS HALF A STAR."
