"I lived in Richmond about years ago as a young law student clerking for the summer at the VSSC. I disliked the town and left to live elsewhere. I didn't know what I didn't like about Richmond--really wasn't mature enough to form a concrete and defensible opinion on the matter. But, despite living on the Boulevard and adjacent to the old Byrd Theater, which my roommates and I assumed at the time to be a super hot area, it was mostly boring. The only heat, such as it was, came from the standing seam roof overhead our third floor walk up. And so the sun was brutal. We ended up buying and installing an air conditioner in the window of one of the bedrooms. The three of us all slept in the one room and closed all the doors to it. The cool environment was our only slice of heaven in tobacco town. Otherwise it sucked. None of us were planning to return, and indeed two of us (to my knowledge) indeed never did. In the intervening time, I've returned to the city proper three times. Once to be sworn in to the Virginia bar; once to tour the State Capitol with my family; and then again this evening. I'm visiting with friends in Glen Allen tomorrow, and I thought I'd come early and try the Omni Richmond and check out Shockoe Bottom/Slip. What an unforced error. Don't get me wrong, the Omni is perfectly delightful. There are, get this, six wedding receptions here this weekend. So the place is effervescent with the young and energetic types who attend such things, together with the parents of the brides and grooms and their friends. Everyone looks great. They couldn't be happier. They even upgraded my room at a price that beat the lowest-priced option on the website by per night. The guy at the desk said I seemed like a nice enough man Thank you, Omni!But enough on background. Let's get to it. Grandstaff was the worst experience of my dine-out life. Or, I should say, the worst I can remember. I only gave it a because I liked the idea of the place. Beyond that, it was unbearable. And I'm wondering whether it has to do with Richmond, and I'd be interested to learn whether that's so. I don't know enough to tell the difference. Here's what I do know. The bartenders were immediately identified by me to be largely inefficient. There were three of them behind a bar serving about I think the average drink preparation time had to hover around three minutes. The bar was only full and the restaurant was less than half that. Nevertheless, my first drink wasn't served to me until maybe ten minutes into my time there. This isn't horrible, but if you saw what I observed you might think it was. The bartender approached me--at first, that is--and inquired into what I'd like. I asked, given the flapper atmosphere, whether she could serve me an aviation. No luck. I asked about the possibility of a blood and sand. Strike two. I then asked to see a drink list. The thirty or so specialty cocktails, none discernible to me in the largely unlit space--a condition made worse by the odd, small, scroll-like font printed upon a piece of medium stock grayscale paper faded and worn by time, use or both--offered little comfort. I told the bartender that I felt more like gin in the face of this matrix of unseeable and largely unknowable options, and she told me that, smattered throughout the list, were three gin-based concoctions. She left it up to me to find them. I stopped her as she sought to exit and told her to give me the most popular gin drink, but not too sweet. The drink was fine. But the glass sat empty for another ten minutes after the drink's life--this though there were only about bar guests at the time. But they did indeed seem busy. Very busy. In addition to bumping into one another (ouch they also decided to keep the rail liquors in speed wells, and the branded liquors in a display wall behind the bar. This had them reaching over one another and up the wall then over to the bar where they'd unscrew the cap. Yes, you read that correctly. When is the last time you saw a bartender unscrewing a cap? Think about it. I'm done writing. I'm tired and you're getting the picture I think. The ambiance was good, and I liked the concept. The bartenders were as stated. The drink was fine but, after my second, I was out of there. Richmond . . . I think I might get it now. Aloof. Unfriendly too. I was alone and no one spoke to me other than the hostess and the bartender; I can usually talk to a wall and get a reaction of greater significance than that afforded by this bar full of smile free patrons. I mean that. Might hurt, but I mean it. I caught a whiff of ignorance too--the kind generated by those who are unaware of themselves or how they may present to the world. Deportment. Bearing. Countenance. These and other qualities were sorely lacking and, it seemed to me, would not be recognized even if pointed out to those who lacked them. It would be as if to ask a blind man for his thoughts on the apparent physical beauty of the natural world. He not only wouldn't know--as sad as that is--but he wouldn't be able to change his situation or condition even if he wanted too. I've written two previous restaurant reviews in the history of the Internet. The last one must have been five years ago, and it was overwhelmingly positive. I'm not a dick. Have at me Richmond, bearing in mind I may have more to say.UPDATE: Richmond, it might not actually be you! Returned to the Omni after spending the day in Glen Allen. My friend suggested Rappahanock Restaurant here in the Shockoe area. Simply excellent. Fine service. Knowledgeable about food and menu options. Great specialty cocktails (prepared in sub mins). The food was exceptional, and I had a three course meal. The pork shoulder (welcome to Fall) with red cabbage and baby bock choi slaw together with stuffing cake is not to be missed! I can't wait to come back, and I've learned my lesson about prejudice, stereotyping and whatever else I may have done wrong!"
