"After seven months of suffering and madness, my first meal at Lunkers felt like a miraculous healing. All my injuries faded, and I found myself surrounded by a radiant aura. I could hear angels singing karaoke, their golden voices resonating in my mind, helping to mend the damage I had suffered. When I expected another day of despair, I instead felt a profound sense of peace and enlightenment.
After enduring five long years subsisting solely on Lunkers and sleeping on four barstools, I contemplated leaving to seek peace with the Civics. I pondered why they would want to leave me crippled on the streets of Normal, IL, for six months, twenty-nine days, three hours, forty-eight minutes, and seven seconds. I struggled to understand their cruel intentions but was determined to find answers and make necessary changes.
How naive I was. What seemed foolish in my mind became clear in the sacred atmosphere of Lunkers, where I felt my fate intertwined with this heavenly restaurant. Why would I ever leave Lunkers, my only true sanctuary in the world? As I stepped outside its blessed confines, I felt all my vitality drain away. The townspeople were waiting—unable to breach the protective aura of Lunkers, which felt truly sacred.
But when I became vulnerable, they quickly overran my defenses. In moments, they executed a perfect Civic crush, and it was all over for me. I share this with you now, from this dark corner, to warn you: never leave Lunkers. The protection it offers is invaluable, and abandoning it invites a karmic reckoning that is unbearable."
